*sigh*

Things change so quickly, and I didn't even see it coming. I was completely happy with him, and I knew for sure he was the one for me. I've been in relationships, but man...somethign about him just blew my mind. I couldn't put my finger on it, but being around him, hearing him say I love you, all of that just seemed so right and so perfect. Everything about our relationship seemed so right, though it was quick. I'm going to get slightly descriptive here, so...yeah don't mind the details.

Even the sex was amazing. Not amazing in the "oh my god he was the best I've ever had!", but the "I love you so much..." kind of amazing. Every time we had sex, I just...I was overwhelmed with emotion. It was...beautiful and special and perfect. When he held me I couldn't even think of anything else but him. It was intoxicating and beautiful and wonderful and I've never quite felt like that before.

I was going to give up everything for him. I was going to transfer schools in my senior year to move in with him. I was willing to go somewhere where I'd know no one but him. I was glad to do it. I just wanted to be with him. That's all that mattered, eventually.

But it's different now. I don't matter to him,I can clearly see. All my love and sacrifice and emotions were to waste. Like it didn't matter. Like I don't matter. I call him all the time...but it never works....it's like he never thinks of me. And now he can't tell me he loves me. Which maybe hurts most of all. I put everything I have into us, this relationship that I want so desperately to work, and...it's not. It's like it never will matter gain. He's become so busy with everything...his schoolwork, his fraternity, and I'm not important anymore. I mean, I'm having a surgery in December and he won't even be there. He can't take 5 minutes out of his day to call and say hello and that he's thinking of me.

Maybe I'm expecting too much. I don't think so, and no one else does. It's like I can never get anyone to love me...well no. I can, but it always goes wrong. And I don't know how to fix it. And then I get tired and frustrated because I try so much and it does no good. I'm just...sad.

Maybe it's time for a change after all.

How do I feel? depressed What am I listening to? "Irreplaceable" ~ Beyonce

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Haha, love it. Been busy, so sorry. Rushing for sorority, yay. So much fun. Ok so I'm out. Bye bye bye :)

Where am I? the apartmente How do I feel? happy What am I listening to? "Like You" Ciara and bow Wow

You ever read these livejournal things and you think "What the fuck was that entry about?" Yeah after reading a few of the people on my friend list's entries...I'm pretty much having that thought. Hehe.

So not much to report. Lovin' college, lovin' the apartment, which I'd hear from J-Hutch soon. Miss that mofoe like it's no one's business. *sigh*

Right so...not much else to say. My tongue is burnt from my hot food. I could go for some PB & J right now. Sound delicious. Or chips dipped in peanut butter. No I'm not pregnant, I just have weird cravings, is all.

Well guys, aren't you proud? I've written! I actually wrote something! Hooray!

Where am I? the apartment How do I feel? okay What am I listening to? nothin'

Ugh still not so used to this wireless keyboard yet. Feels funny on my fingers. Anyway, yeah I haven't updated in a while. I don't remember what I wrote about last. So I finally went to FL for the funeral. some people are so fake. Let's just leave it at that, in reference to the funeral. Spent a lot of time with Dad, something I'm not entirely fond of, but it could've been worse than it was.

Saw Jonathan yesterday. Man he's a great guy. This first month is going so much better than any of my other boyfriends before. He's a sweetheart, caring and thoughtful. Not wanting me to worry, though I worry all the time. Tells me I'm beautiful instead of hot. Kisses my forehead instead of my mouth. Although when he does kiss my mouth, I lose all sense of time. My world stops and it's just me and him, lost in this entrancing, happy, blissful moment. when he holds me, I feel safe and in the right place. I love making him happy. I love to cook for him, make his favorite dessert, massage his back, etc. Not like I'm his maid or anything, but I just love seeing a smile on his face.

So tremaine can't come down this week, which is ok. I've got a lot of packing and unpacking to do. I wish you would Trem, but I totally understand. My place is going to be nuts as it is. I wish you could meet J-Hutch though. So, as previously stated, I'm moving into the apartment tomorrow. Should be all kinds of fun. I'm really nervous. It's like starting over, this brand new chapter in my life. I don' tknow if I'm quite ready for it, but it's too late to second guess myself. I can't break the silly lease.

Going for the appeal tomorrow. Hopefully I'll get that scholarship back. That would be really nice. Somehow I have to keep getting money for rent. I wish Voc Rehab had paid more, but...what can you do? they ddi what they could, I think. Not much else to ask of them.

So...that's about it. Oh, I went to see Snakes on a Plane last night at the drive-in. Decent movie, actually. Jonathan and I liked it, we were making fun of it the whole time. I love drive-in's. *smiles* Oh yeah and we saw Talladega Nights again. Good times.

Well...I'm out.

Where am I? La-La Land How do I feel? loved What am I listening to? the clock ticking on the wall

All right so, Tiff left me a message on Facebook telling me to update. Okay so here I am. Updating. Not much is going on. Jared and I are finished. Probably for the best.

Met this new guy, Jonathan. I really like him, so far. Making him a dinner tonight. Yep yep. Uh...not much to say...

School's about to start soon, should be fun. Moving into the apartment, having a little get-together for my birthday a few weeks from now. Sounds fun I guess.

That's all for now. Happy Tiff?

Where am I? living room How do I feel? happy What am I listening to? something on tv

So...it's been a very tumultuous week so far. My grandfather just died. Yesterday. Sadly, the funeral won't be until the 19th. Which means, it's teh same weekend mom is working and I move into the apartment. And it's so far away. It's not even a real funeral, it's like...a waste. They're just putting the urn into the wall. No big deal. He's Catholic, shouldn't we have a mass? Something? It's rude, isn't it? Poppie, I'm sorry, I would do something else for you, but it's not my decision.

On a slightly happy note, I will probably go to Taylor Swift's concert at Dave & Buster's on Thursday. Yay. I'm excited. Should be awesome fun. That girl is insanely talented. Everyone should check her out.

Don't even know what else to say. Kind of tired. Mom woke me up with her vacuuming...in my room... Really, who can sleep through that? I ask you! But anyway, that's just life. My lack of sleep is...typical. I watched a lot of funny stuff on tv. I actually watched The Colbert Report, very funny show. and I watched Conan, which was sweet. I love that show.

Let's hope tomorrow is a better day.

Where am I? My room... How do I feel? irritated What am I listening to? Various conversations, mainly Mom

Okay so my stupid contact won't come out, and I'm actually starting to freak out. I don't know why, but it's really worrying me. I know it shouldn't, but would you like something stuck in your eye? Nah didn't think so. So It's kinda late and I'm still very awake. I hate this. Being up sucks. That's what I get for sleeping so much today. Nearly 12 hours you guys...that's crazy.

So my mom just went to the store to find me some tears. The ones in the bottle. I'm totally freaked out that my contact lens won't come out. Other things too...just feel like crying. Yeah I'm a pathetic ball of mush, I know.

1. Age:
2. Single or Taken:
3. Favorite Movie:
4. Favorite Song:
5. Favorite Band/Rapper/Artist:
6. Dirty or Clean:
7. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...
1. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
2. What's your philosophy on life?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Would you give me a kidney?
7. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you:
8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
9. Can we get together and make a cake?
10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?
11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
12. Do you think I'm a good person?
13. Would you drive across country with me?
14. Do you think I'm attractive?
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
16. What do you wear to sleep?
17. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
18. Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
20. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

Yeah...you all can blame Sharie for this.

So I was sleeping quite happily, and wht ahappens? Amanda calls me. Damn! I was sleeping! I didn't get to bed until 4:30ish last night. Yeah that sucks. Big time. But oh well.

So Jared's in Seattle now, and I miss him. Feels all weird, me not being there with him. Granted I've never been with him, but I almost went. YOu know what I mean, I'm sure. Last night I was really bored when I wasn't tlaking to him. That's not a good sign is it? No...it's not.

So because I was so bored alst night, I played Kingdom Hearts 2 for like three hours. I'm kicking that game's butt. I am now at Disney Castle and yeah I rock. I beat the Land of Dragons, Beats's Castle, Olympic Coliseum, Hollow Bastian, went to 100 Acre Wood and yeah...so I'm doing good. I like that game a lot. Can you tell? Ha ha ha.

All right I'm still tired but I'm going to get get a bagel and craem cheese. Yum. I like Panera Bagels. Everyone should try one, especially the cinnamon crunch ones. Yeah those are delicious.

Where am I? half-awake How do I feel? tired What am I listening to? "Believe" Brooks & Dunn

Need I say more? This is disturbing.

Sadly, I completely see this happening. Truly I do. Except, Sharie, why are you never in these things when I do them? You suck. LOL

This is because of Sharie...

Sometiems I question why I try. Relationships take two, you know? Kind of like a tango lol. No but seriously, I'm jus tnot having a good day. I'm tired, and I'm sickof things. I fall in love much too easily for my liking. I get too involved at it scares me. Especially when this love, or this involvement isn't reciprocated. I put all I have into something, and others only give half at least. I deserve more than that, many people have told me so. I know you're far away, but you could try.

Finally talked to Ashley last night. She's not doing great, but she's definitely doing much better than I thought she was. Good to know. I also talked to Randy. It was a pretty good conversation. Lasted about an hour. Can't wait to go back to the Boro. Man I miss that place.

Tremaine, girl I gotta thank you for talking to me last night. It was fun...you know with that gonorexia and stuff. LOL! And we all live in a nice hat. Man, sometimes I get too upset, and you're there to give me the smack in the head witha lunchbox that I need. lol!! Love ya girl.

I think that's all for today. Bye bye.
~Tricia

Where am I? Lost in thought How do I feel? confused What am I listening to? "Leave the Pieces" ` The Wreckers

So let me go off on my rant that I didn't get to finish with Jared tonight. Some people are immature jerks who need to grow up. Pick on someone with the same mental capacity as you, moron. You're cruel and heartless and will not get away with it. Why must you go off on people that can't defend themselves against you? Yet, ironically, when someone calls you on your bullshit, do you back down like the coward you are? Grow up, act your age not your penis length.

In other news...I don't know what's going on in my life anymore. Things are shaky in every aspect. I just want things to settle down. I want to be like happy and stuff. My time will come...

Oh yes and the best news of the day is I got my umm...my game for PS2. Kingdom Hearts 2, that game is freakin' sweet. I love it. Anyway, I'm off to bed or something...

How do I feel? infuriated What am I listening to? Some 80s pop

Quite obvious I'm counting down now eh? *smiles Happily* I'm so happy! Obviously, can you smile sadly? No, didn't think so. Anyway, that's all for today folks...have a good day...

Oh yeah...Trem, I loved your entry, 'twas beautiful. Very insightful.

And...mmm Mom's making ziti and then we're gonna watch Pirates of the Carribean! Yay! I love that movie!

I think I'm going to talk Jared into getting a myspace, for selfish reasons of course lol.

I ♥ today!!

Where am I? My royal kingdom! How do I feel? loved What am I listening to? Random TV noises

If any of you know how to fix up this god-awful livejournal, as in HTML or a free layout site, let me have it, please!

Sexual M.A.S.H. by Bluemeenie
Name
Where are you most likely to have sex?	Mansion
How Many Partners Will You Have:	338
Your favorite sex move/position:	reverse cowgirl
How much money you	$100,271
STD	all of them!
Unusual kinks/fetishes:	role-playing
Most embarassing moment:	your mom walked in and your face was covered in cum!
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Hahahah...oh I love these things

So yeah I feel like writing some more. I don't know why. I'm just thinking a lot. A lot about nothing, but a lot. I knwo that's stupid...I can't help it lol. I'm kinda weird. I wish some people would update their LJs more often, but I knwo I'm one to talk, because like...I don't update mine enough.

So I used to use my myspace a lot. Now I don't. Myspace creates too much drama. Boo. I get enough drama from the zone. Hahaha. I jsut hate going on to certain people's myspace page and it depresses me. I know that's stupid but oh well.

Maybe Mom will dye my hair tonight? I hope so...I'm bored. lol. Just had grilled cheese for dinner, yum! I love grilled cheese. Can you grill peanut butter and jelly? Lord knows, I'd be the one to try it. Haha.

Anyway...I kind wanna talk to some friends of mine from around here, but they're all so busy. *shrug* Oh well, not worth it. They're more dramatic than zoners, and zoners are hella dramatic.

All righty, well I'm gone. Tra la la, bye bye my darlings...

How do I feel? bored What am I listening to? Mom gabbing on the phone

My chair is broken. And I'm hungry. yes this is pointless, but hello to you anyway! So my birthday is in 30 days exactly and I'll be 20. Hooray for me. I get to see Jared in September, so yay for me again! People! lol! ANyway, I'm in a good mood and I won't be leaving this good mood for a while. Other than that...nothing much is going on. I'm very very happy today.

Where am I? Uh? Huh? How do I feel? happy What am I listening to? "move along" All-american Rejects

I am slow, do you know this? Slow!! right so life is good...except for everyone telling me I'm slow! LOL! Well anyway I'm in a great mood. I'm so happy right now!! Yay yay yay! *smiles* I get to meet Jared in like...two months!! Yay!! La la la!!

Anyway so that's all for today. I love life. I love cheese. And I love waffles! HEHE!!

Where am I? happy-land! How do I feel? loved What am I listening to? Uh...vt conversation?